2018 challenge day 9 – How to Win Friends & Influence People

Quick note before I start this post – I apologize for the delays in these daily posts, with classes starting it has become difficult for me to finish reading and posting however a commitment is still a commitment.

About the Book

The book, How to Win Friends & Influence People, was written by Dale Carnegie and this version of the book was published by Pocket Books on October 1, 1998. The book spans 288 pages.

The book starts with Dale Carnegie’s reasons for writing the book – namely that a guide for dealing with people never existed and that the ability to deal with others was the one ability that any Tycoon would pay for.

Hence after long periods of studying, reading biographies and surveys Dale compiles a list of principles that is divided into five sections:

Things this book will do for you: this section shows what could happen if one were to read this book such as “getting out of your mental rut” and “enabling you to make friends”.

Fundamental Techniques in handling people: this section discusses ideas such as not criticizing, condemning or complaining since people don’t respond well to this and may start resenting the critic. Give honest and sincere appreciation since people love to feel appreciated and valued. Arouse in others an eager want or basically focusing on what the other party wants and how they can get it by working with you.

Six ways to make people like you: This section discusses techniques such as being Genuinely interested in other people, smiling, remembering their names, being good at listening, talk in terms of the other person’s interests and making the other person feel important but do so sincerely.

Twelve ways to win people to your way of thinking: Avoiding arguments, do not directly say “No you’re wrong”, admit you are wrong if you are, always being in a friendly manner, start with what you and the other party agree with, let the other person do the talking, let the other person feel that its their idea, try to honestly see things from the other person’s point of view, be sympathetic with others, appeal to nobler motives, make your ideas dramatic and start a challenge.

Be a leader – how to change people without giving offense or arousing resentment: Start by praising and honestly appreciating the other, only call attention to someone’s mistake indirectly, talk about your own mistakes before you criticize others, ask questions instead of giving orders, allow the other party save face, praise every improvement, give the other person a good reputation to live up to, encourage others and make faults easy to correct and finally make other person happy about doing what you suggest.

Key Takeaways and commentary

Out of this whole book, I believe that one of the clearest takeaway is being empathetic to others. Many of these techniques require that you actually take time to learn about the other person, their motives, wants, etc – however one must genuinely take interest in the other person. I believe people are smart enough to tell if someone is faking interest or not, so genuinely have interest in people.

The other takeaway is not to bruise someone’s ego – bruising someone’s ego causes resentment which may hinder your ability to influence. In fact there are many ways to get around having to bruise someone’s ego and still give them constructive criticism.

Of course in the end, these technique requires one to first develop a good sense of emotional intelligence and empathy so that they can know where a person is coming from. This knowledge can help a person influence someone, or just knowing who to avoid.

What do you think? Feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments and if you found this post useful or enjoyable, please share and leave a like. Thank you!  Stay tuned for tomorrows book Unlocking Potential: 7 Coaching Skills That Transform Individuals, Teams, and Organizations

For more information on the 2018 challenge, visit the following link: Business Trek 2018 reading challenge.

You can also get the book via the following link: How to Win Friends & Influence People 

The image was taken from wikimedia commons: Here


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